Where Does My Help Come From?

Most people know that in a marriage serving, communication and "dieing to self" is key to keeping the love alive.
For Dave and I our fight for oneness, vulnerability, sacrifice and service is not easy yet it is the most rewarding in our journey on earth.
But why doesn't this help Dave and I in the face of a tragedy?
The past month in my grieving process I've been a little unbearable as a spouse to live with. I think any other relationship in my life would peak into my current grief and perceive that I'm coming along just fine with the loss of Jakey.
But with the love and security of a godly husband I've let my "surface" smile fade and allowed the true colors of mourning show their ugly head. I'm blessed to be able to do that. Dave has been supportive, patient and healing in the process yet it does not help and my grief still tries to threaten our marital peace.

It's hard in that being one with Dave I am feeling something he cannot fathom. I lost my little brother through an unfair crime, he has not, so there is a bit of a disconnect.

In this I can remember there is no disconnect with my Heavenly Father.
I turn my eyes to the Lord from Him comes my help, my support my fullness, the deep comfort that I need. I turn to Christ first then Dave. In this way I come to Dave already full. In this way I'm not looking to Dave for an unrealistic expectation. How can a man that cannot imagine the pain I'm feeling cover me with comfort?
God can. If I were to think Dave could fill me, I would be disappointed and angry with him when he fell short.
I've tried to give Dave the power to heal me with his love and support of me but it did not work and in the process I was disappointed and angry with the results.

I'm reminded of a verse:

Psalm 107:9
"For He satisfieth the longing soul, and filleth the hungry soul with goodness."
Pslam 121
"I lift my eyes up to the hills, from where comes my help? My help comes from the Lord who made heaven and earth...............He who keeps you will not slumber"

He doesn't sleep even when all the world is sleeping. When I'm up in the middle of the night tired of a world that is too much for me to bear, I can know that He is not sleeping, He is with me.

I lift my eyes up to the 14,000 foot mountains here in Denver. God who made them in all His power and majesty sits with me and covers me in His goodness. As I turn to God, the only one who can fill me, heal me, satisfy me, I notice my relationship with Dave is deepened because I am not looking to him to fulfill a broken heart. God made my heart He lives in my heart, He heals my heart. Dave and I are brought closer to each other as we draw near to Christ.

I really like this diagram of a husband and wife drawing near to God and therefore drawing near to each other closer and closer as they walk to God.