When My Dreams Don't Come True Part2

This post will make more sense if you have read yesterday's first.

I read Matthew chapter 13 with a jolt of new understanding.
God spoke to my heart in a way I could not have received if the hopes and dreams of my wishful
younger self had come true only a few years ago.
You would have to read the whole chapter yourself to grasp the wisdom in Jesus parable but I will quote the place in which God opened my understanding.

"yet hath he no root in himself, but endures for a while: for when tribulation or persecution arise because of the word, by and by he is offended. He also that received seed among the thorns is he that hears the word; and the care of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, choke the word, and he becomes unfruitful. But he that received seed into the good ground is he that hears the word, and understands it; which also bears fruit, and brings forth, some an hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty."


When my heart was consumed with the idea of singing I was like the seed cast into the thorns. The thorns were the singing (in my heart and life this is the case. I'm not saying this is the case for everyone).


God toiled my ground purging me of the thorns to make my ground good. To give me good soil.
The purging was painful but necessary for the seed of truth, the word, to live and grow in me and produce fruit.


Before the purging I heard the word but I would have been unfruitful if God had not toiled my ground and purged the thorns from me. I would have been swayed by the worries of this world and the deceitfulness of wealth making me unfruitful AND unprepared to handle the recent tragedy of loosing Jake.
I would have endured for a while but I would have been offended and untrusting towards God had He allowed the thorns to stay in my soil and choke the word growing in me.


What I've learned from this passage is that unless God had purged the singing in my life there would be no fruit in me. I may have wanted to sing with unabandoned worship and ease but God had a better plan for me. He saw that singing was a ground full of thorns in my heart so he replaced the thorns with good soil and fruit a "hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty".
I rest in God's perfect plan not mine.
I'll take an out of tune voice for good soil any day. 
My prayer has been for an understanding on how to worship God if it's not going to be through my voice. That journey is still unfolding.
I'm looking forward to the mystery God is revealing in me.
He's always surprising me. Who knows what gifts will be unveiled with a heart that trusts him.