Sunday, October 31, 2010


Who are we created to be?
What is our purpose?

I ask the Lord these two questions all the time.
I now know that our calling is not to be imitators of Christ but to have Christ formed within us.

Don't you know that Christ lives inside of you? I remind myself.
Literally all the power and glory is Christ's and it is within you. Colossians 1:16-20 "And all things were created for Him. For it was the fathers good pleasure for all the fullness to dwell in Him." and all that fullness dwells in us through Him. We have access to the Son and the Father the creator and almighty God. We have access to His power.
We are the temple of God and we are holy ground.

This is really exciting and we haven't even scratched the surface in these revelations yet. Paul only just began the teachings of this gift for the children of God.

I used to look at my life and judge my identity and purpose on what I was doing or how I looked some days or how other people viewed me.
God allowed these false perceptions to run their course in me.
I had big plans for myself starting in high school.
I was created for something real big, something really spectacular and glorious.
Over the course of some life lessons and embarrassing moments that dream died in me.
I thought I was going to be a singer at least to glorify God.
That dream had to die in me too. Also through embarrassing moments and humbling trials.
I slowly started grasping God's wisdom inside of me saying, I AM, and you are i am not.
As I've shared this concept before I will not repeat myself here but the point is I began to understand that nothing inside of my strength and my power or my talent will ever produce life, fruit or success. Only Christ in me has the talent and power and strength and beauty and life giving fruit from hard work. I cannot produce anything. i am not but HE is I AM. Therefore i am because He is I AM in me.

So, in this revelation we ask ourselves, at what point is identity what you do?
Well, identity is never what you do. Our calling, our identity is not to be imitators of Christ but to have Christ formed within us.
That is a whole thing we can talk about for a long time. The revelation of Christ within you. Life lived  through Christ's life in me instead of through my death in other words.
Well, I'll stick with what I wanted to originally share and that is our identity.

Christ is the head of the body and we are His body (the church is his body).
Ephesians 1:22-23
And hath put all things under his feet, and gave him to be the head over all things to the church, which is his body, the fulness of him that filleth all in all.

The lowest part of the body is the feet and yet being the body of Christ ALL that was created is under our feet because of Christ.
We are destined for great kingdoms and rulership. We are destined for reflecting the very glory of GOD.
1 Corinthians 2:9
eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart ofman, te things which god hath prepared for them that love him.
Ephesians 1:17-19
"that the god of our lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give unto you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him; the yes of your understanding being enlightened; that ye may know what is the hope of his calling and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints, and what is the exceeding greatness of his power to us-ward who believe, according to the working of his might power....

So as I scrub toilets too many times a day because my house of boys may miss aim, or as my heart still grieving the death of my sweet Jake still ravishes any sense of a former beauty in me, or when I continually stand in the background and cheer on my successful husband and two boys for the rest of their lives as I fade into the background, I can know that my identity is not in what I do. It's not even in who I am but it is in who Christ is within me.
It's actually not what I do at all but it's that i am not but Christ is I AM inside of me. He is doing something mysterious in us in this time on earth. Preparing us pruning us shedding sin in us to prepare us for life for eternity of glory with Him.

These are the things I need in life to break me of my prior dreams. Wanting to be I am for myself. When I wanted to be a singer or do something big and spectacular whatever it was, I wanted to have the glory I wanted the spotlight and the recognition to validate my identity.
When you know that you are a "not" you can rest in His life in you instead of your death.

He has put all things in heaven beneath His feet.
We have great things ahead of us.
I need the humbling and the truth of who I am not while I'm here so I can receive who God is in me for our great rewards in Heaven.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

A Stranger at the Mall

A couple weeks ago my mom and dad were in town visiting.
It was refreshing to have them here. There is always a void after they have to leave for home again. My mom flew in days before my dad, so we did all the fun girl things we could handle before dad arrived. Shopping, girl movies, talking over coffee as long as we wanted, eating the things we love to eat.... we enjoyed each others company yet with all the fun on this visit also came moments of grieving Jake and trying to wrap our mind around life without him, a future without his existence for the rest of our lives on earth.
It was wonderful to be with mom and it was heavy for both of us too. Bringing our heartaches together after grieving separately for 10 months brought on a new side to pain for me.
One day in the midst of one of these bittersweet days we decided a little shopping would do our soul some good.
Mom went into one store and I decided to go into another. I was so distracted while looking at the mall map that I couldn't find the store I wanted to visit. My heart was heavy in that moment and I couldn't concentrate.
Jake went to the mall with mom and I all the time. He loved being with us. He had a heart for his mother and sister. He would go into all the stores with us and we would go into his favorite stores. While looking at that map I was all over the place emotionally just thinking about how much I wanted to experience more of Jake's life than the time we had. He was still a baby, at least to me and I wanted to see him graduate, go to college, marry and grow deeper and deeper into his relationship with Jesus. I wanted to share in this with him.
I was staring, and getting nowhere. The mall at this time of day was empty. No one was on the second floor where I stood but out of nowhere in the corner of my eye I saw a tall man approach Oscar and I. I could see that he stood next to me waiting for me to notice him. Even without looking at him I sensed his smile.
He had a beautiful smile on his face and when I turned to address him he took off his hat put it to his heart and leaned into me closer as to give me his utmost attention and respect.
He was a tall strong older black man with the most welcoming embrace behind his eyes that I have ever seen in my life.
He only spoke a few words but it wasn't in his words that made me want to fall into his arms and cry the heaviness away. It was in the atmosphere around him. He was a beautiful man but his strength and beauty paled in comparison to this genuine love, concern and tenderness that exuded from him, it felt like the three of us were protected by it.

Nothing had changed other than this mans presence and yet my heart was uplifted and I just wanted to praise God.
He said "Can I help you find where you are going?"
Well, I wish I wasn't so struck with awe that I couldn't have a little more to say or ask him. I just giggled like a child and got out a mesmerized "oh, thank you so much, I'm okay."
I literally turned my head to the map for a second, no more than 3 seconds and looked back at him but he was already gone.
I'm telling you, there is nowhere he could have raced to that fast. No store anywhere near us was that close for him to jump into and hide behind a wall. We were in a lobby area on the second floor. No one at the mall on the second floor at this time and he disappeared within the time it took me to turn my head for a few seconds.
I was more than encouraged!
I felt like I was walking on clouds because I just knew my Abba sent an angel to encourage me in that moment. God knows our hearts and what we need more than we do. There have certainly been times that I would have thought ordained a sweet encouragement from a messenger from god even more than this time but this was the fullness of time for the Lord to send me a no question encourager. My spirit cannot deny it. FOr me it was uplifting and glorifying to the Lord because it lifted me up so much. I am still encouraged by it today when I think of this man's eyes and smile and genuine concern for me.
I think his question to me "Can I help you find where you are going." was a sweet reminder too that I may think I am floundering here with no direction right now but God is directing my steps. "A man's heart devises his way: but the LORD directs his steps." Proverbs 16:9
I do not understand God's ways. He's so awesome that my mind cannot even fathom the glory in his pinky finger. I don't know why sometimes little messages like this go such a long way and encourage such a deep pain but I praise You God for knowing what I needed and for your love for us. 

Monday, October 25, 2010

Purpose, Identity and Motherhood

I look at this picture and I feel like I can completely relate... if only she were pregnant too.
Barefoot, pregnant, carrying laundry and child and walking up hill.
Mothers do it all.
I will not be able to address all my thoughts of purpose, identity and motherhood in this one post therefore I will continue thoughts and things I've learned in the next few posts.

I am now 35 weeks pregnant. Over the past few months as my skin has expanded into new territory and my accumulated fat has exceeded 45 extra pounds I've begun to face a bit of a self esteem issue.
Feeling my stomach muscles tearing a little bit more each day and battling the looming threat of stretch marks I pray, Lord I'd like to keep some form of my former figure.
The other day as I was frowning in the mirror,  I heard from the Lord. "You are beautiful." I heard Him say.
I felt this acceptance and love surge through my body. That was music to my soul coming from my Abba.
But why Lord, What makes a woman beautiful, I've been asking ever since.
What is a woman's purpose?
What is it about a woman that is beautiful?
I believe there is some mystery, some unrevealed treasures inside God's plan and design of His daughters.
Until all is revealed we know for now as a daughter of God we have been given roles, responsibilities and gifts uniquely our own.
One of them being Life Giver.
I think about the Seraphs (angels) in heaven praising God and the place filling with smoke and the temple shaking at their voice.
The result of their word is powerful yet they are not made in God's image. We are made in His image.
Imagine what happens when we praise God being His children and with the Son of God inside of us. As we dwell and abide in Christ the result of our words are powerful and irreplaceably purposeful.

Life giver is an attribute of God's given to us as a gift. We share this attribute with God almighty and through God in us.
It's a beautiful thing. We carrying God's children in our womb, in our very body for 9 months, give birth and then get to raise them.
The gift of life giver is not only through our bodies giving life to children but also through our word.
God created the universe by the Word. He spoke it into existence.
"The word became flesh and dwelt among us"(john 1:14)
And now the word lives in us! The word that became flesh is Jesus and Jesus lives in us. Our words are "powerful, sharper than any two edged sword" (hebrews 4:12)
The Word is Jesus and we speak the word and it is life giving and powerful.
How do we use the word to give life or to give death?
A sharp sarcastic word can do the opposite of giving life to the hearer.
God's word is alive and active in you.
Here are a few points I've gleaned from a recent study on truth and the word in us:
- God's words are omnipotent; because we have been created in His image, our words are potent
- Our words are potent no matter how we use them.
- God desires not only that His children believe truth but also that we speak it:"I believed; therefore I have spoken (2 cor 4:13)
- God ordains that words of faith have more power than thoughts of faith alone; (matt. 17:20)
Pray and speak with faith in His name.

Our opportunity is for Christ's life and His word to flow through us and create peace and life to the hearer. The hearer is our children and the world around us. Those of us who cannot have children do have the gift of life giver and they have the opportunity to plant seeds with the truth of God or with any encouragement that comes out of their mouth.
When God created the world he used His word and His word continues day after day second after second to create life since He spoke it.
Seeds still grow, animals continue to give birth, fish still live and produce and the universe still expands. I think space is ever growing. Molecules and adams continue to support and produce life all around us.
I think my own word spoken is powerful through Christ and I don't want to waste it or use it in my sin. It's a gift and I wonder if it's a special gift given to woman in a more life giving sort of way as life giver seems to be a main gift given to woman by God.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

When the kids are asleep

I write this post with peanut butter smeared sleeves, a crayon propped atop my ear, bible in one hand and decaf sugar free instant coffee in the other. Finally, Oscar's nap time and I have a few moments to race through the house cleaning, a chance to brush my teeth and make myself look human. Yet usually at about this time something stops me from my small opportunity to accomplish these chores. It's the familiar prodding of the Holy Spirit calling me to reflect and seek the heart of my beloved Jesus.

But these days as the rare silence falls it's not the still small voice that stops the course but the swelling sting growing from stomach to throat. Thoughts of Jakey are loud and clear. A void without him is mocking me at a louder volume.  Jake is with the Lord, I tell myself. He is enjoying dangerously amazing adventures, peace, unimaginable fun and joy.
This does help during the day while I'm taking care of the family but it doesn't cut through the sting and pain that creeps up when the silence falls.
So while Oscar sleeps, I do not hurry to clean the house and I do not attempt to put my appearance in order... No, I fall at the feet of Jesus. Have mercy on me Lord I cry. I miss my baby brother. "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return there. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." (job 1:21)
Job praised God even though all the hardships that fell on him were crippling emotionally, and physically.
I came into this world with nothing but in the years have gained loved ones. Jake was one of those irreplaceable loves in my life and the Lord saw fit to bring Him home.

Well, praise God. My life was more blessed by having the time I did with him and as I live in eternity my relationship with Jakers will grow even deeper from our time on earth into our time in Heaven with each other. Relationships will continue and will blossom.
One thing I'm learning through suffering on earth is that in the time of pain, I don't run to Jesus but He has run to me already. He is in it with me. He embraces me, keeps my tears in his bottle, (psalm 56:8) He doesn't come and go but He draws near to me holds me and stays with me.
He in me and I in Him we are one and in the pain, life is not lived a moment without Him.
The Lord never leaves us nor forsakes us and is among us and in us as we suffer.
Looking back on the moments when I fall to my knees at Jesus feet in anguish over Jake's death, I see with more clarity now.
I know that the act of falling is literally the physical reaction to the fact that I cannot go on. It's like an awareness to myself that I'm not doing anything without Christ's strength in me.
I'm not doing anything alone. While on my knees I feel Jesus on His knees holding me, lifting me up to take one more step closer, even deeper in Him.
Without pain, I do not have these intimate opportunities to completely trust and surrender and to therefore gain the whole universe in Him.
One thing about pain is that it's a secret blessing. We won't see the full picture until the fullness of time, in the mean time I trust you Lord Jesus.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Working Your Way Out of God by Mike Wells

I've been away from the internet for a few weeks and hence my lack of fresh posts.
I want to share this great article by Mike Wells below:

I have noticed that my ever-increasing age, the strength of my glasses has to be changed frequently. When I increase lens intensity, I can see things that I was missing. I believe it to be true of my spiritual eyes, as well. As I have otten older, God keps giving me new glasses with which I can see things previously unnoticed by me.
With new spiritual glasses come many changes. I still shudder when I think of Bible School and wearing the glasses of superiority because of what I knew and disdain for the "ignornat" of God's Word, which was constatnly proclaimed. After all, we were becoming " Theologians." With the glasses that I have had for some time,  I see the folly of that and repent of it. To think that a man will "know" God! My, it is so much nicer to bask in the beauty of the fact that I am known by God. Well, back to my present prescription. Jesus holds all things together(Col. 1:15-17; John 1:1-3; Eph 4:6; Acts 17:28).

He is the Life that holds all life together. We all exist in His Life; we are all connected to Him and totally dependent on Him for our existence. Therefore, we are in the Book of Life. The problem is that man lives by Him but refuses to recognize Him. What if God has given us seventy years (plus or minus) to either acknowledge He is our life or to work our way out of the book of Life? names are not put in the book of Life but taken out. So if a man, held together by Life and in the Book of Life, refuses to acknowledge that Life, then with that attitude he is actually working his way out of LIfe during his lifetime. Finally, at death that person gets the desire of his heart. All his years on earth were spent working his way out of Life, and now for eternity God gives hat he wanted and fought for and removes his name from the Book of Life. I am amazied at how hard this type of man works to get out of Life.

Jesus holds him together and yet the man hates Him with a passion and is anti-Christ in all he does. He goes to the graves as a God hater. God, on the other had, strives to keep him in Life; His sun shines on him, He provides for him, He heals him over and over, He blesses him, He sent His own Son for him, and yet the man wants away from Him, out of the Bood of Life. god is doing His utmost to keep the man, who in turn is struggling to be free. Recogniozing Jeesus is so easy, and in so doing, one will never have his name taken out of the book of Life. Working on'es way out of God is so, so so very difficult. Amen.