Sunday, August 21, 2011

My Actual Healing Experience with Jesus

I've been out of my element at my parents cabin for a long period of time this summer. I was without modern conveniences which stopped me from getting my blog posts out.
I'm home now finally with Dave again and reflecting on all the sweet moments with my nephews, niece, brother Todd and sister in law Keri and mom and dad.

While praying this morning and asking God to reveal Himself to me today I couldn't shake the feeling that He wanted me to share an incredible experience I had with Him.
I've been reluctant to post this experience because in order to share the full spectrum of the story I have to reveal something that I'm ashamed of.

In my life years back I hurt someone that I cared about terribly.
I carried the pain and guilt in horror of my actions for three years. I carried this in agony and torture to my heart.
On the third year of carrying this sadness I had a life changing dream.
The dream began where I was at my parents house.
I walked out to the back porch and saw the person that I hurt so badly sitting on a patio chair by the pool  with their head in their hands crying so hard their body was shaking.
I ran over and my heart poured out all that I truly felt which was me saying over and over again, "I am so sorry, I am so sorry I am so sorry."
Then I saw clouds in the distance starting to come towards us. The clouds had the most beautiful vibrant colors in them. It was as though we were traveling towards the vibrant clouds but we were on the porch still.
We were standing at the edge of the porch looking at the clouds moving towards us and then we were traveling standing but now just standing out of the porch and traveling through the clouds. I could feel the wind on my skin and face.
We went right through the clouds and I could feel the clouds rush past my face with a woosh sound and below us were fountains full of water as far as the eye could see.
They were under us as we traveled above them. I kept hearing as if God were speaking to me in telepathy "fountains of living water". I looked over at my traveling partner and asked "do fountains mean anything to you?" I asked this because I knew they meant something but I didn't know what it meant.
My friend shook their head no and then sort of disappeared as I continued the journey by myself now.
I traveled over the overflowing fountains of living water for a while longer and saw in the distance those colorful vibrant clouds again. I was drawing nearer to them and finally flew right through them and felt the cool rush of wind on my face and the sound of woosh as I passed through them.

When I passed through the vibrant clouds I was in a big white palace. It was white all over and beautiful.
It was so similar to the picture above that Akaine painted.
(She claims that she had some experiences with the Lord in Heaven and this is one of the things she remembers seeing while with the Lord).
I was traveling through the palace still flying in the standing position when I saw Jesus further down in the palace and he was sitting in a big fountain of living water. I heard again, fountain of living water.
It looked like those pools in a palace that you imagine from King David's time.

He was sitting in the water and cupping his right hand and pouring the water over His body. I could see Him as I approached Him, He was pouring the water over his arm and chest....I remember the feeling I had was a jolt of excitement when I saw Him. I was overjoyed that I was going to Him.
As I approached Him He stood before me and I closed my eyes and tilted my face up to Him.
I'm not sure why I closed my eyes but thats what I did.
He put both hands on me...I want to describe how His hands held my face because it was such a tender and intimate touch. Both of His hands were on my face in the way that His thumbs were over my closed eyelids and his hand cupped my face on both sides.
Sort of like this picture but He held me even more severely than this. Like holding my face was holding the face of the love of His life. I can't explain it...
When He touched me I will never forget the feeling that zinged through my entire body. It was electricity and peace and love. He touched me and I felt weightless with love. Pure joy and love. I woke immediately in bed with a jump and still felt that zinging feeling of weightlessness and love. My body was electrified and I felt like I could feel the molecules in my very body vibrating with energy! I noticed as embarrasing as it is to admit, I noticed that I had actually wet my bed! I truly think I had a spiritual experience where my spirit was with the Lord. My spirit was in the presence of Jesus and my body reacted by the intensity of this amazing love that I wet my bed! Our bodies cannot endure an encounter with the Lord because of His holiness. John met with God in the spirit and many encounters in the bible that we read are in the spirit.
So when I awoke I immediately woke up Dave exclaiming that I had just been with Jesus. I pulled my bible off the night stand and looked up fountains of living water in the concordance in the back and I found a revealing verse.
Revelation 7:17
"For the lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them, and shall lead them unto living fountains of waters: and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes."
God literally lead me to the fountain of living water which is Himself, Jesus.
 I realized after reading this verse that He was wiping away my tears! He was wiping them away and telling me no more tears.
He forgave me and He wanted me to move on and to know that I was forgiven and in that moment with Him He healed me. When He placed his hands on my face and his thumbs on my eyes wiping away my tears he healed my broken heart and gave me permission to move on from the topic of my sin.
I was refreshed. I was rejuvenated. I was forgiven.

Jesus is the fountain of living water and the living waters endure forever. God not only forgave me but He loves me. He not only draws me to Himself but He holds me in His amazing pure love for me.
We are the love of His life. He draws us to Himself and He forgives us and heals us and embraces us in His unconditional unfathomable love.

Friday, July 29, 2011

A stolen Moment Alone With The Lord

I'm at my parents cabin right now without Internet access.
I'm using my phone to write this blog.
It's paradise here in the upper peninsula of Michigan. We are located on a beautiful fresh spring lake. It's huge.
My brother, his wife and their four kids are here too. We are packed in and over flowing.
I sneaked out yesterday morning and sat alone by the lake in a secluded spot on our property where no one would find me and I had a sweet moment with the Lord.

When I sought the Lord He showed up in a way that invigorated all my senses.
God showed up by embracing me with the most fragrant and cool refreshing breeze. The wind wrapped around me in a blanket and it smelled amazing.
The lake and the trees and grass around me were highlighted in a hue of striking color that I have never seen before.
I praised Him and He embraced me and blessed me with His presence.
I wrote some of our interaction down and I'm copying it on here to share with you.

Oh Lord you are beautiful.
Your glory is cast upon every blade of grass, every flower I seein front of me now.
I can't take it all in.
You are all around me. I can smell you. I can feel you.
The smell of fresh, sweet earthy morning breeze, blanketing me, encompassing me is the breath of your nostril.
Sweet, love, cool, soft, filling, tender alive.
I am in awe of your majesty.
I worship you my King.
You hold the deepest place of my heart. I am madly, desperately in love.
You have made all of this for me and I have done nothing to deserve it.
I get to witness the birds and trees and the flowers before me worshipping you and I am moves to tears.
My heart is singing, no, rejoicing - bursting inside of me for I cannot contain the joy of the holy spirit. You are god, you are holy, my righteous omniscient savior.
Since Jake died it has been even harder to live life on earth.
We are literally walking in the valley of the shadow of death, but I am not worried.
I know you Lord. You are with us. I am not afraid. I am sad, I am longing for Jake, for you and for all ofthis to be over but I trust you. I rest in you.
I know that you love me fiercely, dangerously. Dangerous for satan.

I have a picture to go with this of the spot where I was sitting but I can't upload from my phone.

Monday, June 27, 2011

A Clear Conscience

My Father in law recently sent us this powerful article that I have pasted below.
It was so compelling that I've read through it a few times.
I wanted to share it with you.

“So I always take pains to have a clear conscience toward both God and man.” --Acts 24:16
The soul is the most important part of the human being. Yes, it is an immaterial – a spiritual – member of the human body, but it is just as real as our hands, eyes, or feet, and even more important.
The soul consists of the heart, which governs the affections, and the mind, which processes information by means of various intellectual functions. In addition to these, the soul contains the conscience, the function of which is to unite affections and thoughts into convictions, values, priorities, and settled opinions.

The conscience is the repository, not necessarily of the best of the soul, but of its preferences. The conscience functions to arbitrate the impulses of the heart and the thoughts of the mind, so that affections and thinking are assigned particular values, which then come to expression in actions. The conscience is not a neutral player in the soul. A conscience can be darkened and polluted by sin and unbelief, or it can be clear, good, and healthy, like the Apostle Paul sought always to have.
In its natural state, apart from the grace of God, the conscience prefers wicked values, dead works, and priorities that are at odds with the Kingdom purposes of Christ (Heb. 9:14). Its default convictions tend toreinforce self-centered thoughts and feelings, leading to self-centered actions.

Left in this condition, without the curative powers of grace and truth, the conscience grows weak, becomes encrusted with wicked works, and can become seared against the Truth of God (1 Cor. 8:7; 1 Tim. 4:2). Thus corrupted, the seared conscience will always process affections and thoughts in a manner inimical to the purposes of God and determined to advance the lusts of the flesh.
This perhaps explains why the world is always awash in competing values, priorities, and convictions that can lead to confusion and uncertainty, hindering the work of the Kingdom. Apart from the grace and truth of God, the unredeemed conscience knows only to serve the interests of the flesh, which can be ever so many and diverse.
Thus, the believer must, like the Apostle Paul, be always diligent to ensure that his conscience is clear toward God and men – anchored in truth, focused on the Kingdom, and cast in a mold for love. A clear conscience, or as Paul elsewhere says, a “good” conscience, will strengthen both the heart and the mind; these, in turn reinforce the strongest features of a good conscience and allow it to function even more powerfully.
The heart, mind, and conscience are continually engaged in a kind of spiritual dialog, expressing and assessing affections and thoughts over any situation, opportunity, or concern, according to the convictions and values embedded in the conscience. This dialog among the components of the redeemed soul, when the conscience is maintained clear and good, issues in choices, decisions, and actions appropriate to the Kingdom of God.
We must understand the workings of the conscience and make sure that, in our own consciences, only those values characteristic of the Kingdom of God are allowed to give direction to our souls. Clearly, there is nothing more important for the Christian to attend to than the nurture of heart, mind, and conscience unto a soul reflective of the character of Jesus Christ.

Monday, June 20, 2011


real housewives of new york

I am a shameful fan of Real Housewives of ...any town actually. Real Housewives of Orange County or New York...I like them all.
I started as a "behind the couch" viewer.
With the  T.V. on that channel I walked around cleaning and getting things ready for the next day the show played in all it's earthly glory as I passed the living room watching it from behind the couch.

I remember the night the characters became alive to me with drama and sparkly cars and jewels which captured my drouling attention.
I stood with my mouth wide open fumbling to fold the same pair of size 2 toddler underware for half of the show watching Adrienne's personal chef cook dinner while she and her husband enjoyed playing with their two boys.

These woman are the epitome of the "american dream".
They are beautiful, they have lots of money and sparkly cars and diamonds.
I'm intrigued at the amount of help they get from employees, nannies, maids, personal CHEFS, home managers!

Looking at the picture above and watching the show as the characters unfold I can see clearly that their hearts desire is wealth, fame and happiness.

While flipping through the channels I came across a christian program with two hosts talking about money. What they were saying was very reasonable and even inspiring until they ended the show with a "ritual". I'm not sure who the ritual was directed to, God the holy spirit or the universe? They waved their hands around asking for prosperity, success and money. Something like "money money in, prosperity they waved their arms and hands directing the blessings back to themselves.

I said "God they are obviously genuine people. They seem to truly love you but this feels very off to me. there is something not right about this."
I don't like to put God in my own box of understanding. For instance, I may be oblivious to God's moving in the charismatic believers yet I know His ways are bigger than mine and He does work in people differently than I see in my own view. In my own understanding of life.

But still this didn't sit right with me. As I sought the Lord for help in understanding why they had reports of this "ritual" working for them I heard God quote in my heart, "Whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If ye shall ask any thing in my name, i will do it." john 14:13-14
I think the point that I was to understand is that money seemed to be the desire of the hosts hearts.
Money and security is literally the desire of their heart and it is what they spend their time and energy asking God to give them.
What seems silly to me is that when people ask for money for security and for accumilation of wealth for their own pleasures it's not using their time here on earth wisely.

In the light of eternity money is of little value.
In Heaven wealth will not be the point. Wealth will be at everyone's doorstep. No one will be asking for more wealth there. All of God's children will be comfortable and "wealthy". But those with a revelation will be the rulers. Jesus is what matters and when you know this truth you can't help but want more and more and more of what matters.

When praying in Jesus name God will give us the desire of our hearts...
My desire is to know God more. I yearn for the revelation of Christ. I want the Son of God to be revealed in me more and more everyday. I want to know him intimately and desperately.
I know that God answers this prayer for me and I can rest assure He is already taking care of the other things in my life like money, security etc. Matthew 6:26 tells us that God is taking care of our needs already.
I do not want to waste my precious gift of recieving the desires of my heart on money.
All that will ever matter for all of eternity is Jesus. Why would I focus my attention on anything else.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

"Faith is Based in Our Response to His Activity." -Mike Wells

God is outside of my box of understanding, His ways are not my ways.

Isaiah 55:8-9
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. for as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts."

I foolishly thought God owed us something this year. I was expecting good news concerning Dave's school applications because of all the bad news our family was receiving all year long. My irreplaceable baby brother was killed and since then there has been one tragic thing after another with our loving family. It's not my place to share all the heart break but I can say that God has stretched and exploded our faith into new horizons these two years.

Dave worked harder in three years than I knew was humanly possible. He managed his own small business, he worked as a creative director for a big company and went to school for his masters. All the while studying for the GMAT to get a good score for harvard and working on essays was a full time job all in itself.
As we needed encouragement Dave would quote scripture to remind us of a comforting truth "7Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. 8For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. 9And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. 10So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith."

I believed that as we were certainly sowing seeds of hard work and faith and trusting in God that we would reap the harvest of our hard work.
As Dave went to school, work, the library to study, and his own business during the week and weekends I would stay home with Oscar vomiting from my new pregnancy and grieving in spurts of rage and pain (for the loss of Jake) all day by myself while trying to hide it from Oscar and manage a smile for his benefit.

When the first response from one of four schools Wharton came in last month as a NO, I was not fazed. I told Dave, "we prayed all along. We surrendered our plans and our will to God asking Him if we should apply to these schools. He is working here and we have nothing to worry about."

But as the weeks passed we received two more answers. Harvard and stanford both said no.
We had one more school to hear from after 3 long years of hard work and extraordinary effort.
I lost my confidence in our "sowing".  I was completely discouraged while waiting on the Lord and the final answer from Kelloge.

Our patient Father in Heaven was lovingly drawing us to Him.
We were both hearing the same thing from Him in our own hearts. As I looked up during the day and would say "really Lord, we might not get in?!" He said trust me.
As I complained that I could have used my husband during the time of mourning Jake and vomiting my insides out, If only we knew that all the work towards MBA was "all for not!" the Holy Spirit filled me with a peace that said, "you do not know my ways because they are higher than your ways."

Isaiah 43:18-21
“Forget the former things; 
   do not dwell on the past. 
19 See, I am doing a new thing! 
   Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? 
I am making a way in the wilderness 
   and streams in the wasteland. 
20 The wild animals honor me, 
   the jackals and the owls, 
because I provide water in the wilderness 
   and streams in the wasteland, 
to give drink to my people, my chosen, 
 21 the people I formed for myself 
   that they may proclaim my praise.

God is working something out in all of this.
I thought God owed us because Dave and I have been in the wilderness for so long now. I thought our hard work and faith in surrendering our will for His would pay off in blessings. This makes me laugh at myself.
I have no idea what God is doing because His ways are not my ways and sometimes His blessings are not my idea of blessings. All I do know right now is that The God of the universe is righteous and owes me nothing. Of course. And Wether He leads us down a path that seemed to be lots of pain, labor and sweat for nothing in my own understanding doesn't mean it's for nothing in the grand scheme of God's perfect plan.
I'll keep you posted if Dave gets into Kelloge. For now we are holding all things loosely and we are praying that we can proclaim God's praise even in these confusing and disappointing situations.
I am confident in my Abba's plan. I praise Him for directing our steps.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

I Am My Father-in-Law's Daughter

                                (Wells was no more than two days home from the hospital here)

It was a perfect overcast, cold and dreary day and my two hungry for adventure children were finally napping. I got to plomp on the couch with my warm cup of french press coffee and my bible. I could hear the tornado sirens blaring outside but I felt safe in my "prayer closet" cherishing my moment with God.
I couldn't wait to dive into the bible to learn something new about my Heavenly Father.
Before I opened the word I asked God to tell me something special.
I heard this, "You are your father-in-law's daughter".
That is all he said and yet so much information came with it. The Holy Spirit revealed what he meant.

Dave's parents love their first born son, unfathomably.
They have raised him, protected him, shed tears for him and trained him on how to be the best husband and dad he could ever be someday.
When Dave and I started to date his parents knew this was serious for Dave because he did not date often. If Dave's dad could see into my soul and see me at my worst, in my most horrible sin he would have said, "sorry Dave, we love you too much, she is not good enough for you, she will only hurt you and she has gross sin."
Dave's dad wouldn't want me for his son just as I wouldn't want a sinful woman who would hurt my son to be in Oscar's life.
The special thing that God revealed to me that cold day on the couch was that Jesus said  "not only do I love her Father but I want to marry her." He wanted the most intimate relationship with me. God looked at me in the eyes of a Father looking at his son's future bride and he saw me in my most disgusting sin. My worst was exposed to him. He saw that for His son to marry me would take the price of His own beloved son's blood. A sacrifice of the Father and the Son for me to be married to God almighty.  and even in that knowledge of me the Father said, I love her, she's perfect for my son. I want you to be married. I will call her daughter and she will inherit the kingdom. We will put a crown on her head and she will be your royal bride. She will rule with you and live with us in our love for eternity."

I am my father in laws daughter. God is my father.

I wouldn't want a woman that I could see in her worst moment to marry my son let alone allow my son to die, his blood shed in order for them to marry.
But God loves you and me that much that he saw us in our worst sin and loved us even in that moment and gave us His son that we could live for eternity with Him.
Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Not only did Jesus die for our sins that we may live, he became human and god at the same time God inside of a human body. Forever and for eternity in a glorified human body (we will be given our glorified bodies at the rapture).
So Jesus loved us so much that he became man AND died for us shedding His precious blood.

Col. 2:9 - "For in Him all the fullness of Deity dwells in bodily form."
Phil. 2:5-8 - "Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, 6 who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.  9 Therefore also God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, 10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those who are in heaven, and on earth, and under the earth, 11 and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."

I came across this great teaching on being the bride of Christ.

Our Bridegroom has gone away, but He will be back. The disciple John explains that this time of separation is also a time of preparation: 1 John 3 says, “What we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when He appears, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is. Everyone who has this hope in Him, purifies himself.”

The Jewish wedding ceremony took place in 3 parts. Each part is symbolic of a much greater wedding. It began with the “Betrothal” which was preceded by intense bargaining between the father of the bride and the father of the groom. The “Bride Price” was very steep. The price was comparable to what would be the price of a new house today. Then, when the bride was paid, there was a ceremony in which the couple was betrothed. The price Jesus paid for us was also very steep. It was not silver or gold, but His own precious blood. If we have put our trust in that blood, there is a ring on our finger. We are betrothed. In the days of Jesus, this part of the ceremony symbolized a permanent commitment. It is the same with our relationship with Jesus.

Next, the groom went away in order to add a room to his father’s house. It usually took about a year, but the actual time was determined by the father. It was when the father said that things were ready when the groom would surprise his bride and bring her back with a great processional. In John 14 Jesus said, “In my Father’s house are many rooms, if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.”

During this time of separation, the bride would prepare her gown. It involved much time and patience and had much intricate detail. As we anticipate our “GREAT WEDDING DAY” we, as Christians are preparing our wedding gown. Rather than fine linen, our wedding gown is the purity of our character. Our character is developed as we clothe ourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ. Everyone who has the hope of Jesus returning is in this process of sanctification. We are a work in progress. We eagerly anticipate what we will become.

John says in Revelation 19:7-8, “For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and His Bride has made herself ready. Fine linen, bright and clean was given her to wear. We, as we live on this earth, are getting ready to become His Bride. Jesus has gone away to prepare a place for us and He will be back. It will be a great Psalm and wondrous procession. Psalm 45:13-14 says, “All glorious is the princess within her chamber. Her gown is interwoven with gold; in embroidered garments she is led to the King.”

There is so much symbolism here. The words used are significant. The fires of life will refine and purify our character in a magnificent gold if we allow God to use them as He desires. When someone embroiders they enhance, magnify and add color to their garment. This is a picture of what we do to our wedding gown when we submit to the Lord. All glorious are Krista, Nikki and Jessica within their chamber!

(A suggestion of the author to paraphrase this psalm with your own name>) The character of God is interwoven throughout their character; being clothed in the many splendord colors of His, they were led to Jesus!

The final part of the Jewish marriage was the actual wedding and feast. Oh what rejoicing their will be in heaven at our wedding banquet! We will be with Him, our Bridegroom for all eternity. So, in this period when He is preparing a place for us, God also yearns to sanctify and make us holy. Let us abandon ourselves to Him… our ETERNAL BRIDEGROOM!


Monday, April 11, 2011

We Are Still in the Race!

(I wonder if we are being watched from above by the great cloud of witnesses in heaven and being cheered for as we walk through life our very own race before the rewards of eternity.)

When I was in track and cross country I loved to train with my team. We worked hard to improve our personal best times. We ran against each other pushing one another towards our personal best as well as our team best. We desired for each other to succeed and we had camaraderie and fellowship with one another through the hard days of running in the summer florida heat with humidity so thick it felt more like we were running in a sauna. We stuck by each other and pushed each other through the rainy practices and the 26 mile practices. On the days when we had races there was a buzz in the air.
The excitement of leaving school to go to a meet and run the race we had been training for all season was too much for us to bear. There was always lots of laughter and adrenaline on those days.

When it was my turn to walk to the starting line on the track my blood would pump through  my body so fast I would shake out of nervousness and anticipation of winning. My adrenaline pushed me so far off the start line when I heard the gun go off that I usually had a good head start. And lets just face the facts I usually won most of my races. :)

When my three races were finally over I would be relieved until I comfortably sat down to watch the others in their races on the track. That is when I would cheer for my team mates.
Everyone who was finished with their races would stand on the side lines and scream encouragements to our friends who were still running in the race.
If I had run a bad race that day I would long to have just one more race to run as I watched the others that were "so lucky" to still be in it with the opportunity to win!

The other night I was thinking about Jake and asked the Lord to tell Jake that I cannot wait to be with him again. That is when I had a thought that I believe came from the Holy Spirit.
Jake has run his race. he is finished now and on the side lines cheering us on.
He watches and prays for us as we round the corners and head for the finish line.
He screams out, "Keep moving! You're almost done! You're going to win this!".

We are in it now. It's not over for us yet.
We don't have a long way to go.
paul said "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:1-3

Lets finish our race strong. The great cloud of witnesses that watches from the sidelines because their race is over cheer us on and praise God through our race.
We still have an opportunity to make our race count! 
I believe Christ is coming back for His church SOON but He isn't back yet and we are still running. We have an opportunity to move mountains while we are here. We can unashamed tell someone that does not know God about His Son Jesus and His forgiveness of sins...
We still get to love on someone that is unlovable and share the love and forgiveness of Christ that He gives us.
Our reward is waiting for us after the race. 1 Corinthians 9:25-27 Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

It is better to run with purpose than to be in the race anyway and not run to win and to be in the race and not be fully surrendered to Jesus so that your race counts.
When it's all over you are going to be relieved and thankful to be done but if you did not run with perseverance and if you ran aimlessly as Paul talks about in 1 cor. 9 you will wish you had fixed your eyes on Jesus As the rewards are being handed out for those who did.

Thursday, April 7, 2011


This article was so insightful and a great revelation of truth I wanted to share it with you.


April 22, 2010 by Mike Wells  

II Samuel 7:18-22, Then David the king went in and sat before the LORD, and he said, “Who am I, O Lord GOD, and what is my house, that You have brought me this far? And yet this was insignificant in Your eyes, O Lord GOD, for You have spoken also of the house of Your servant concerning the distant future. And this is the custom of man, O Lord GOD. Again what more can David say to You? For You know Your servant, O Lord GOD! For the sake of Your word, and according to Your own heart, You have done all this greatness to let Your servant know. For this reason You are great, O Lord GOD; for there is none like You, and there is no God besides You, according to all that we have heard with our ears.”
Prayer is a wonderful thing, for in it we can express the greatness of our God (the only God) and our gratitude toward Him. Prayer is a relationship builder . . . that is, from our perspective; God has had a relationship with us before the foundations of the world. I have often pondered prayer and have a few observations. Again, everything I say is not absolute, but I trust that I am pointing to the One who is absolute, the sum total of resolution and truth, fixed eternally in the universe. To begin with, I do not think that the purpose of prayer is to direct God. We have a God, and that statement says it all, for the very confession of that designation proclaims that He does not need directing. Only those with a small god need to direct him; our God knows all and is directed by no one, but we are to listen to His direction. So many who entitle themselves “Prayer Warriors” believe that they will change the course of God by countless repetitions. Jesus spoke to this very attitude: “And when you are praying, do not use meaningless repetition, as the Gentiles do, for they suppose that they will be heard for their many words. So do not be like them; for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him” (Matthew 6:7). I have never understood the emphasis on going to a city to walk around it and pray. In a city near where I live there is even a huge building around which fly the flags of differing countries, positioned in the direction the country lies from there; the goal is to stand at the flagpole representing the country for which one has a burden and pray. I cannot get anyone to explain to me why we would have to go to a country or point toward it to pray. Can we not enter our closet and pray? Amen, if believers want to travel and see a place, they should go without spiritualizing it. God does not really care if they go to Israel for curiosity or enjoyment. I believe there are several purposeful bases for prayer. First, it is the recognition of the constant unbroken relationship that we as believers have with the Father that is not dependent on time, place, or our present condition. “For in Him we live and move and exist”
(Acts 17:28a); it is so good to recognize that and not have to create it. Second, the intent of prayer is not to change the mind of God but to come to peace with the will of God. This is of utmost importance in this present day. We must remember that God is permitting what He could prevent for the revelation of hearts. We will not change an evil person’s choice. God permits man to have choice for the revelation of hearts. In the final judgment, a heart will be judged as it was revealed to be in this life. In prayer, we find peace with what God does, allows, prevents, and denies. Finally, prayer permits us to participate in the work of God. For example, I am awakened in the middle of the night and told to pray for someone. It is not as though if I turn over and go back to sleep, God will not act; it is merely a matter of my missing the blessing of participating in what God is going to do. Later, when I hear that the person was under attack, in a near accident, or had family struggles, I rejoice in the awareness that God came at the exact moment to deliver, and I am blessed that He allowed me to participate in what He was doing. In fact, any time we experience answered prayer we can boast in the Lord that He enlightened us to pray for what He was going to do; He allowed us to take part in His kingdom doings. In short, prayer is very easy and enjoyable. In the recognition of His presence within and without, we rest, participate, and enjoy our life in Him; we want nothing but His will, which is the overriding affirmation of our prayer life. Have we not all had our fill of our own will, since we have never enjoyed it?

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Paid in Full

Atonement Has Been Offered
There was a certain practice in the Roman court in Jesus time that was familiar to all.
If you were arrested and brought to justice in a Roman court they would write down every crime of which you were convicted and they listed them on a "certificate of debt" and they nailed it on the cell door. When you lived out your crime and were released they wrote on your certificate of debt Tetelestai which means- paid in full.

Colossians 2:14
"Having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; He has taken it away, nailing it to the cross."

Each one of us are born owing God the perfect righteousness (that He originally created us with) but we can't pay (We sinned in the garden of eden and are born with this sin).
That certificate of debt that we owe God shows that we are forever excluded from His presence. When JesusChrist went to the cross He nailed your certificate of debt to the cross. On it was every sin you'll ever commit. When he cried his next to last cry while on the cross He screamed out the word that was on the certificates.
He cried tetelestai - paid in full!
John translates it - it is finished; but what was in the world during the time that the new testament was written was translated - paid in full.
Your certificate of debt to God has been paid in full.
We get to fellowship with God. We get to enjoy the relationship unity with Father Son and Holy Spirit. We get to enjoy the kingdom of God as His children, co-rulers with Christ and Heirs to the kingdom.

I know in my own walk in this life satan lies to me. He will remind me of past sins. He tries to oppress me with my own inadequacies and sins.
He wants to discourage me and bring me fear that I need to work harder or that I'm just not good enough to be a child of God.
I say TETELESTAI! It has been paid in full. It is finished! Get behind me satan and eat my dirt!
I am not good enough but Christ is and he has paid the price for me on the cross. Praise Jesus. Thank you Lord. I have been forgiven.
Do not let the enemy bring up things from the past that God has already forgiven you for. If you have brought that to the Lord already and laid it at the cross, you can walk in victory. You can hold your head up and know your place as God's child.
When those things are brought up you say triumphantly Tetelestai - paid in full. Praise Jesus.
Satan wants to bring you down if he can't destroy you he will try to oppress and depress you.

There is something that I will never forget. Something the Lord allowed me to see with my own eyes one unforgettable night. I was hesitant to share this but I felt the prodding of the Holy Spirit to share  with you.
Two summers ago when I was staying at our family's cabin it seemed every night my sleep was disrupted by some kind of spiritual warfare. It was so heavy I cannot describe here now but just know that I was on my knees everyday praying for discernment and understanding and truth during a summer of obvious spiritual warfare.
One night I was startled awake by the Holy Spirit. There was no doubt that I was about to encounter something evil. I woke up with a jolt and my heart was racing, pounding out of my body before I even knew what what happening. The spirit in me was already aware and awake and bringing me up to speed. There was this horrible evil darkness in the corner of the room where the door was closed. I immediately looked in that direction and could see complete details of a very large, shiny black very skinny spiky headed demon hunched over but standing and holding some kind of long stick thing that curved at the top. The demon was hunched and half turned away from me but cowering in the corner of the room, looking at me but something was very evident about this scene.
I sat up in my bed staring at this thing but without any fear whatsoever. I stared and I prayed in my mind asking God what He wanted me to do or to know about this.
He revealed something in me. He said "he is scared" and the Holy Spirit revealed what this meant.

First of all if I as a child of God know the truth then that scares the enemy. The truth is that Jesus lives inside of me. He is the "word" and the word is living and active, sharper than any double edged sword it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit , joints and marrow.....Hebrews 4:12
Hello! this thing is spirit and the word in me - JESUS- divides him. He's scared.
When I know the truth, I send him out with thunder, I send him on his way in wrath and power. He is afraid and rightly so. God opened my eyes to this truth. When we don't know the truth and if I were to see this thing without the eyes of truth I would have been afraid and he would have been fed off my fear because fear is not of the Lord but of the enemy. But I was in control in Jesus name and he was afraid of me.  God wanted me to see that the enemy has no power. Christ is victorious and has already won. The battle is over. satan knows it and is afraid of us.
matthew 12:45
"when an unclean spirit goes out of a man he goes through dry places, seeking rest and finds none..."
I am going to have to address this more in another post. I could write too much just on this verse alone.
Claim the truth in Jesus name during your day.
You have been forgiven, your debt has been paid in full. You are a child of God almighty the one true living God creator of all. Jesus the Son of God died for your sins and lives inside of you.

(romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 10:9 that if you confess with your mouth that Jesus Christ is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.")

To conclude my story after receiving this understanding from the Lord I said out loud to this scared demon in my room just what came to my mind and that was "you don't belong here, I belong to Jesus, leave in the name of Jesus." thats all I said but it left immediately and not in an angry way but just quickly. I think we have no idea how much is going on around us and how much we can use the power of Jesus the word of God to reveal the truth and to send the enemy packing and with a kick to the butt in all sorts of situations.

Not only are we forgiven but we walk around with access to Jesus power.
Watch out evil we know what we are made of!

Saturday, March 19, 2011

It Is Only the Heart that God Desires

Proverbs 23:26
"My son, give me your heart and let your eyes delight in my ways,"

There are outward works in your life and there are inward works.
The outward works are the ones that everyone can see. There is no real goodness in them unless it is coming from God's internal working in you.
Anyone can desire to look like a good person or even try in their own strength to please God and therefore give to the poor etc.
Mark 12:44
"For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all that she had to live on."

But when giving to the poor came from a place in your heart that originated from your love for the Lord the giving is a sweet aroma to God and fruit for all to enjoy.
But outward works have only as much spiritual value as they receive from their source. So when giving to others for your own benefit the value is what is obvious, the blessing you receive in giving and the recognition.
But when giving out of the outflows of Christ's life within you, the value is unending and carries over into your eternal rewards.

As Jeanne Guyon puts it
"The difference is that at the outset the activity was more outward; now the activity has moved inside; it has become deep, inward, hidden and outwardly imperceptible.
We are being drawn.
It is not our turning but it is a drawing of the Lord to us."

Our way is clear then. We must give our full attention to the activities that take place deep within our inmost  being. These are the activities of the spirit. These activities are what counts.
When you turn inward you turn away from outward activities and distractions.
Inward activity begins by simply turning within to Jesus Christ, for that is where He is, Within your spirit.

The lord is our center.
When you turn your attention within to the living God you turn your eyes upon all that matters.
forget the outward act of trying to love the lord and to be loved by him. Forget about the outward act of trying to be a good person acceptable to God and those around you.
Rather, turn your attention to him only and simply abide in Him. Draw to your center where Christ is and keep your focus on him...He will bring about the goodness of Him inside of you. It will permeate your whole life.
Psalm 59:9 "I will keep my whole strength for you."

Inner Abiding
Continuous inner act of abiding. abiding in love.
John 15: 1-7
"....He who abides in me and I in him, He it is that bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing."
Abiding in Christ is turing your attention to Jesus again and again. Having the energy of your soul centered on Him. He is the point. Not succeeding or being the best at what you do, or being the perfect parent. It is Jesus who matters for everything, in every subject of your life. When we turn our focus on Him everything else falls into sync. It is through Him that we are conformed to His will.

The more we turn inward to Jesus, to the center of our soul, to the very one that matters the more we sink into the beautiful inward depths of God. This is to know God beyond the surface of a new believer.
God has an unimaginable purpose for you. He shares His riches with you and reveals mysteries of ancient pasts, ancient creations and an existence of royalty because of His sacrifice for you.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

He's Coming!!

I turned to greet Dave when he came home from work last night with Wells's spit up caked in my hair, two different socks on and circles rimming my eyes. An added bonus was Oscar's throw up on the front of my shirt.
Oscar currently refuses to swallow his food. He keeps it in his mouth so long that he chokes on it, and throws it up, usually all over me.
Among these fun activities during the day there is also the sting of still grieving Jake. This makes for a very strained attempt at caking a smile on my face for Dave when he walks in from a long day at work.

I have a very loving husband whom does not hold this mommy grunge look against me.  He has said that the mommy grunge is evidence of my love for him and our children.  Even though my desire is to be completely put together before he gets home (and most days I work to make that a reality) the truth is with two children under the age of three, there are few opportunities to do anything for myself.  Feeding time alone is a feat right now. An attempt at feeding oscar will take 40 minutes of begging bribing and tricking him to get at least a small amount of food in him for one day.

But all motherhood woes aside, I have felt an urgency lately. a pressing perception that Jesus is coming soon to gather the church. This makes me jump out of my skin excited. I dont want anyone to miss out. I want to run through my local grocery store and shout out ftom the excitment in my heart "hes coming hes coming" I want to tell anyone I come into contact with "just repent and ask jesus to be your savior, believe that he died for your sins!" (romans 10:9)
Now imagine this scene with the way I curently look and you have a crazy person running around denver freaking everyone out.
John the baptist wih his camel hair outfit would look less crazy than me.

The Holy Spirit has been prodding my heart to be ready to unashamedly speak in boldness in my faith in Christ. Also to be ready (as the virgin's were ready with the oil lamps in Jesus parable Matthew 25).
The spirit, the Holy Spirit is testifying to this truth in me that Christ will rapture us soon. Obviously I do not know the day or hour but being that I am a child of God himself(acts 1:28), I am bride to christ the very son of God (revelation 19:7-9), the Holy Spirit of God rests in me (acts 2), I am the temple of God this very moment (1 corinthians 6:19-20), how can I not know that there is a stirring of the Spirit that Christ will be soon here to rapture us home? As well as my very relationsip with God there are the signs of the times that He warned us of, all over the place! There's no way to be casual about it. His signs before his return are everywhere!!

So little wife and mother that I am, a speck in the universe, an "insignificant woman in the world, yet I am heir to the kingdom of the creator of the universe and I don't even find time to put a clean non-spit up shirt on before my husband returns home from work let alone prepare and do great things for the name of God before He comes back to gather us home for the great wedding feast!
This has me praying for help in being ready for Christ's return.
Lord what does it look like to be ready for you?

Just as dave loves to see me in the throws of motherhood, a  woman that loves his children and him, even without a second to tend to myself to look pretty, so is God speaking to my heart that he loves to see me in the midst of the breath of life that He gave me.
Right now that means that I am a mother who is stuck in the house most days of the week.
This is right where God has me right now. I have to surrender that back to Him and trust Him with that. I look out into the world and see woman of God doing great things in God's name. But right now being ready for Christ's return is in my p.j.'s at home and living in the moments where Christ's life is glorified in me. Even in my home with only two little ones to watch all the "godly" progress.
So for now I'm not called to run through the grocery store bursting out of my skin with crazy eyes and excited chirps that Jesus is coming. Although when I am there I am ready to tell anyone of Jesus! The good news, His love and forgiveness for them and I ask the Lord "who here do you want me to share your love with?" I wait on the Lord's words, His timing and His will before I try to do my own "great" work in sharing the gospel.

Jesus was a carpenter for 30 years.
He went to work every day without a reported miracle.
He sat at the carpenter's bench he planned his projects, he carved and hammered. No souls were saved no great miracles no mass of people following Him for 30 years of His life on earth.
This makes me wonder about something.
What does that mean about our lives on earth?
The son of God almighty was on earth in human form for 30 years as a carpenter. Well we know there was something happening there. God himself wasn't in human form living among us doing nothing for those years. There was an unseen gift of the most valuable significance unraveling between Father and Son during that time. A gift most treasured for eternity. With an eternal perspective you can see more truth.
God and Jesus were working something out for eternal glory, for eternal reward for eternal value.
And my question is what is God doing in us when we are in the midst of our work on the carpenter's bench.
When I am doing something which from a worldly perspective may look unimportant or lacking great power of God - I'm not out with missionaries in a third world country or speaking to thousands with billy graham. That is a beautiful life for these great children of God, but God calls me to stay at home while I'm drudging it out on the bathroom floor scrubbing Oscar's oopsy pee pee puddles. I'm surrendering my day to Jesus life in me and trusting Him and His will but not seeing any great miracles in my day.
But what is God working out with Christ inside of me for the eternal reward? For the eternal life ahead of me?
Are we developing a bond and relationship so blessed from our time on earth that cannot ever be given in such a way as my time on earth with Him?

His life's work is yet to be fulfilled. I have a whole entire eternity to continue to live and my time on earth prepares me for a great ministry in eternity.  I believe that something unseen, a mystery right now but a gift and a remarkable wow is happening right now, during our most unspectacular moments on earth for the eternal glory.
I praise you Lord for your plan and for your will for me to change poopy diapers.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

A Love Letter From Our Father

God desperately unfathomably loves you and me.
Nothing exists that wasn't created for His Son and His Son's bride.
We are the bride of Christ the Son of God.
We are the children and heirs and co-rulers of God.
(romans 8:17)

My Child,

You may not know me,
but I know everything about you. 

Psalm 139:1
I know when you sit down and when you rise up. 
Psalm 139:2
I am familiar with all your ways. 
Psalm 139:3
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. 
Matthew 10:29-31
For you were made in my image. 
Genesis 1:27
In me you live and move and have your being.
Acts 17:28
For you are my offspring. 
Acts 17:28
I knew you even before you were conceived. 
Jeremiah 1:4-5
I chose you when I planned creation. 
Ephesians 1:11-12
You were not a mistake,
for all your days are written in my book. 

Psalm 139:15-16
I determined the exact time of your birth
and where you would live. 

Acts 17:26
You are fearfully and wonderfully made. 
Psalm 139:14
I knit you together in your mother's womb. 
Psalm 139:13
And brought you forth on the day you were born. 
Psalm 71:6
I have been misrepresented
by those who don't know me.

John 8:41-44
I am not distant and angry,
but am the complete expression of love. 

1 John 4:16
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. 
1 John 3:1
Simply because you are my child
and I am your Father. 

1 John 3:1
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. 
Matthew 7:11
For I am the perfect father. 
Matthew 5:48
Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. 
James 1:17
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. 
Matthew 6:31-33
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. 
Jeremiah 29:11
Because I love you with an everlasting love. 
Jeremiah 31:3
My thoughts toward you are countless
as the sand on the seashore.

Psalms 139:17-18
And I rejoice over you with singing. 
Zephaniah 3:17
I will never stop doing good to you. 
Jeremiah 32:40
For you are my treasured possession. 
Exodus 19:5
I desire to establish you
with all my heart and all my soul. 

Jeremiah 32:41
And I want to show you great and marvelous things. 
Jeremiah 33:3
If you seek me with all your heart,
you will find me. 

Deuteronomy 4:29
Delight in me and I will give you
the desires of your heart. 

Psalm 37:4
For it is I who gave you those desires. 
Philippians 2:13
I am able to do more for you
than you could possibly imagine. 

Ephesians 3:20
For I am your greatest encourager. 
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
I am also the Father who comforts you
in all your troubles. 

2 Corinthians 1:3-4
When you are brokenhearted,
I am close to you. 

Psalm 34:18
As a shepherd carries a lamb,
I have carried you close to my heart. 

Isaiah 40:11
One day I will wipe away
every tear from your eyes. 

Revelation 21:3-4
And I'll take away all the pain
you have suffered on this earth.

Revelation 21:3-4
I am your Father, and I love you
even as I love my son, Jesus.

John 17:23
For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. 
John 17:26
He is the exact representation of my being. 
Hebrews 1:3
He came to demonstrate that I am for you,
not against you. 

Romans 8:31
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19
Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. 
2 Corinthians 5:18-19
His death was the ultimate expression
of my love for you. 

1 John 4:10
I gave up everything I loved
that I might gain your love. 

Romans 8:31-32
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus,
you receive me. 

1 John 2:23
And nothing will ever separate you
from my love again.

Romans 8:38-39
Come home and I'll throw the biggest party
heaven has ever seen.

Luke 15:7
I have always been Father,
and will always be Father.

Ephesians 3:14-15
My question is…
Will you be my child? 

John 1:12-13
I am waiting for you. 
Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad
Almighty God