Heartfelt Selfishness

I've been so sick I haven't been able to write on the blog for some time.
This 9 week old baby in me is stripping me of strength and health.
I'm thankful for new life and grieving the loss of Jake's life at the same time.
I miss Jake yet he is now truly living. His death was his graduation into an eternal purposeful life.

The other day I walked to the park with Oscar. It was a pretty chilly day, not many people around. As we approached the play ground I noticed the only people there were about 8 college age guys throwing a football right by the swings.
I could hear all their conversations wether I wanted to or not.

My first observation was their self centeredness. Everything they talked about had to do with either promoting themselves, edifying their needs or making fun of someone else that wasn't like them.
I couldn't help but think of the verse 1 Corinthians 14:20 "Brethren, do not be children in understanding; however, in malice be babes, but in understanding be mature"


These guys had no understanding of the realities of life. I could clearly see their immaturity from what they said. Luke 6:45  "For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks." Their mouth was speaking and from it came heartfelt selfishness.


When we are young we are naturally self centered. As we mature we hopefully gain understanding that we are not the center of the universe. We gain more understanding as we grow and learn that actually Christ is the center of all and we are to surrender to His will, His life, His plan not ours. Life can take a lot of time for some to reach even this truth. 


Those guys have a lot to learn! I couldn't even begin to explain it to them if they asked me to. Only God can reveal these things. 
If I walked over there and began to explain the facts of living for God's glory they wouldn't be ready to hear it and they couldn't get it unless God revealed it to them.
I was baffled in listening to them and then more baffled at the thought that they obviously do not know their foolishness. What truths do I not know yet? What truths have I not been ready to receive yet? What foolishness in me is obvious to the Lord?
What I've learned in this is that I'm vulnerable to living out my own pride, my own wisdom, my own heartfelt selfishness. I can so easily say, I've got it from here Lord and therefore miss out on all the beautiful truths that set a person free! 


Am I making any sense? 
We can think we might know a whole lot as teenagers often will tell you or as those college guys think. "I'm here to satisfy myself" was the obvious tone of their hearts. I can easily think I know what to do in my walk with God and go on autopilot. But I'm still here on earth because I still have a lot to learn before I'm fit for eternity. I've still got a whole lot of me to shed and Christ life to surrender to before I understand anything about life.


God forgive me for being foolish. Replace me with you. I surrender my desires for your desires, my thoughts for your thoughts, my plans for your steps.