Rick Warren Interview

In the interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren, Rick said:  

People ask me, What is the purpose of life?    And I respond: In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were not made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven.    

 One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body-- but not the end of me.    I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal. God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity.. 

 We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense.  

 Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one.  

 The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort; God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy.  

We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness.  

This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer.  

I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that anymore.    No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on.  

And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for.

 You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems:  

 If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, which is my problem, my issues, my pain.' But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.  

We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her- It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people.  

You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life.  

 Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy.  

It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before. I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for your own ego or for you to live a life of ease.

So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence. He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to do, II Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72.  

 First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit.. We made no major purchases.  

Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church.  

 Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the next generation.  

 Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to serve God for free.  

 We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity?  

Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)?  

 When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better. God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do.  

 That's why we're called human beings, not human doings.  

 Happy moments, PRAISE GOD.  

Difficult moments, SEEK GOD.  

 Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD.  

 Painful moments, TRUST GOD.  

Every moment, THANK GOD..   

Our Special Moment with God

A couple weeks ago I was having one of those all consuming grief stricken days just as I've described in my previous posts. I couldn't get over a new intense anger I had at Jake's sudden death.
I tried to get myself into some kind of groove to accomplish anything around the house as Oscar needed more love and attention that day than usual. He had a sense by this time when  "momma" was sad.
Dave was out all day working and then school right after work so we wouldn't be seeing him until late that night.
I was going through our usual bedtime routine with Oscar. Bath, teeth brushed, cozy P.J.'s on, and laying in his crib with one arm straight out for me to entwine my fingers in his for our prayer time together. I began with my usual deep groan of "Lord, we trust you". I say it with a groan because my spirit is so painfully sad at the core that it usually comes out in a groan even when praying with Oscar.
Just as I said that I was surprised to hear Dave walk from the kitchen into Oscar's room where we were praying. Excited that he was home early, I continued to pray with oscar, my eyes closed but I could feel the warmth of Dave entering the room and the weight of his large body walking towards us on the carpet. Each step was heavy under my feet as he walked right up to us, put his arm around my back and I took a glimpse at Oscar to see if he knew dadda was home. Of course if Oscar knew he would immediately cry out, "DADDA!" while I continued to pray my fingers mingled with Oscars I saw him looking right at his dadda with a large smile on his face.
As soon as I was done with our prayer I turned to Dave for a much needed embrace. My day was so horrific, I needed to cry on his shoulder. I turned into him and opened my eyes with a huge smile on my face when I realized nobody stood next to me at all. Come to find out Dave wasn't even home, he was at school still.
I could still feel the heavy warmth of his body holding me and standing close to me and oscar but I didn't see anyone. Thats when the Holy Spirit spoke in my heart. The Lord made his presence known to me in such a way that I truly needed that day. He comforted me in a way that would minister to my heart the most. He physically showed up in Oscar's room that night while we prayed and held us in His arms for the entire prayer.
I'm so grateful for that moment with God. I will never forget it and I am still comforted by it even weeks later.
Psalm 34:18
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Just Listening

 Dave getting some quiet time with the Lord.

My understanding of prayer is changing.
There is nothing I can do to change what has already happened. There is no begging God night and day to bring Jake back or change what happened Jan. 1st.
I have been to the depths of the lowest pit I can go in my life in this process of mourning an unimaginable loss. It is true that the pain is immense but I do not want my pain to become my idol.

My routine has been, wake up, attend to Oscar but the "agony ball" remains in my stomach.  An ache that won't go away. The ball creeps up to my throat and I could loose it and cry again without control for the next 10 minutes. I push it back down and cry out in my heart "Lord! help me make it through the morning."
Throughout the morning I do not have the capacity to pray for anything else or say anything at all to God but I need to feel our constant connection. I know my spirit stays connected with the Father but I need to be fully aware of our oneness.
I can't say anything at all, I don't ask Him anything but throughout the first half of the day I moan knowing He knows what it means and I listen for the rest of the day.
I'm not hearing much these days for whatever reason, I trust the Lord with His silence but I am still listening. This has been a time of listening and not speaking. Even if I wanted to speak I have nothing to say in this time of pain.
I know that in Him I live and move and exist. I am in Christ and He is in me. We are one. In a time when I cannot get the words out, i don't need to. God and I are one.
I have been forced this year to realize that I'm not changing the will of God through prayer.
If Jake were in a hospital from this gun shot I know I would be in the "throne room" continually pleading that God heal him. But I have no choice in this case to pray for Jake's healing at all. He's already gone. In this horrific pain I recognize I don't pray to change the will of God, I pray to come to a surrender, a peace with the will of God.
I read a revealing truth by Mike Wells:

We must remember that God is permitting what He could prevent for the revelation of hearts. We will not change an evil person’s choice. God permits man to have choice for the revelation of hearts. In the final judgment, a heart will be judged as it was revealed to be in this life. In prayer, we find peace with what God does, allows, prevents, and denies. Finally, prayer permits us to participate in the work of God. For example, I am awakened in the middle of the night and told to pray for someone. It is not as though if I turn over and go back to sleep, God will not act; it is merely a matter of my missing the blessing of participating in what God is going to do. Later, when I hear that the person was under attack, in a near accident, or had family struggles, I rejoice in the awareness that God came at the exact moment to deliver, and I am blessed that He allowed me to participate in what He was doing. In fact, any time we experience answered prayer we can boast in the Lord that He enlightened us to pray for what He was going to do; He allowed us to take part in His kingdom doings. In short, prayer is very easy and enjoyable. In the recognition of His presence within and without, we rest, participate, and enjoy our life in Him; we want nothing but His will, which is the overriding affirmation of our prayer life. Have we not all had our fill of our own will, since we have never enjoyed it?

I Love Being God's Child

I love the closeness God and I have.

I love our long walks and talks.
I love His strong arms around me when we dance to praise music in my living room.
I love His strong embrace when I am crying.
He pays attention to my every sigh and looks deep into my eyes when I share my heart with Him.
I love our very own unique language of love.
I love God's gentle correction and His wise council.
I love God's fierce terrible oblideration of the enemy in His protection of me.
He is alpha and omega and I am His daughter.
When I see the wonders of the world I can say my dad made that.
He made the universe and He is even bigger than what He has made!
The sun and moon are mine because my father owns them.
The wild flowers bow when I walk by because I am my fathers daughter.
I fear nothing, not peoverty, darkness nor death because my daddy said...So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. isaiah 41:10

It may look like the wind to the unfamiliar, but God whispers "I love you" to me everyday and the trees celebrate and dance and praise His name in the breath of his love for me.

I cherish His surprises for me everyday. When the clouds are traveling low, He lifts up my spirit and swings me around, I can almost touch them.
When the sun dips behind the mountains and the sky fills with color, I know He is giving me a sweet love note that says I'm thinking of you.
I love being my father's daughter.
I love being God's child.

Wow! I Didn't know Before.

last summer at the cabin

I have to say, being a Christian actually made me more naive to the intense pain of loosing a loved one.

I thought that when a loved one dies but goes home to be with the Lord, it would be painful but more relieving that they would now be in eternity with God. I didn't know the truth before. Jakey is no doubt with the Lord in glory now, but we are left here to daily, hourly, surrender the thousands of broken pieces of our demolished soul. I will forever understand this as others around me loose people in their lives. 

I grappled for air as I sobbed these words out to Dave 3 months ago on a short car drive to get me away from the "depressing cave" as I called our home.

"I couldn't be any deeper in pain than I am now. I can't grasp onto the finality of Jake's death. I'm burnt out emotionally, physically exhausted. I'm vomiting anywhere between 12-20 times a day because of our newly conceived baby, DONE with living in a creaky, leaking, drafty, tiny old duplex, DONE with paying off debts, DONE seeing our poor 2 year old pretending to cry and vomit all day because that is what he sees mommy doing" 

We positively lost Jake. Not just until we learned something, and not just for a period of painful mourning, but positively.. yes, Jake was not coming back. We had the hope to some day be with him again when we died too. This was not comforting to me at all and survival mode was becoming ~ just feed oscar today mode.

After the reality hits and the fog clears, after the shock wears off, you are left with a thousand broken pieces. I was in colorado 2,000. miles away from the rest of my grieving family. Holding onto any moment in the day was impossible with a broken shredded heart and memories of Jake following me into every room.

Oscar yanked the corner of my shirt for me to pick him up as I crawled from living room to kitchen when the nausea wouldn't let up and I had to make oscar something to eat.

I looked out the kitchen window and the wave of grief that is inescapable rushed over me like a crashing wave. I stood there and sobbed uncontrolably.

Oscar seeing me in this state ran to a vase of roses in the living room (Dave brought home for me) and tore off the head of one rose and brought it to me. He handed it to me and said "momma".

My precious Oscar, I scooped him up, he normally squirms when I want to cuddle, but this time he put his head on my shoulder for a long time.

Well, God said that He gives us a peace that passes understanding.

Even as my body shook with grief and anger in the kitchen that day, I can say I had a peace. A peace that passes all understanding comes from the Lord  yet He didn't say here's my peace and here is a blind fold for you to ignore the truth.

The truth for me that day in the kitchen was, 'I trust you Lord, but this murder, Jake's death is so painful, I can't get through a single hour of my day with a sane mind.'

the day in the car getting away from "the cave" dave said to me.

"there's no pretending on this one."

Instead of the word pretend, I heard ignore.

I've realized in what seems to me the worst of timing that God was awakening me to something about myself.

I ignored a lot of things in my life that were either hard to face or challenging to understand or that was painful. In this time of mourning Jake's death I couldn't ignore any part of it. The pain, the confusion, he being so young, the torture of anger at the shooter, the tearing of my heart each day is all in my face all very much un-ignorable and with the added bonus of being severely pregnant-sick and a house that was literally falling apart around us I couldn't ignore this one.

I remember holding my stomach sort of protecting the baby from my grief while Oscar napped and walking from kitchen to bedroom back to kitchen repeating Jakey, Jakey, Jakey, and the Lord spoke to me. He said "now say this, I trust you."

Now as the grief strikes me down during the day, I just say "I trust you Lord, I trust you Lord," and that is all I can get out right now.

When peace like a river attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll
What ever my lot you have taught me to say
It is well, it is well with my soul

Our Very Own Unique Glimpse of God

Revelation 21:9 “Then one of the seven angels who had the seven bowls full of the seven last plagues came and spoke with me, saying, ‘Come here, I will show you the bride, the wife of the Lamb.’”

I was moved when reading an article by Mike Wells. I pasted the article below. It has given me a new perspective on the many different children of God. 

Shelley’s novel, Frankenstein: or, the Modern Prometheus (1818), is a combination of Gothic horror story and science fiction. The book tells the story of Victor Frankenstein, a Swiss student of natural science who created an artificial man from pieces of corpses and brought his creature to life. Though it initially seeks affection, the monster inspires loathing in everyone who meets it. Lonely and miserable, the monster turns upon its creator, who eventually loses his life. I think that Shelley was on to something as a low, worldly contrast to the picture of a spiritual reality. God at this very moment is putting together the Bride of Christ. It will be a beautiful combination of all the believers from around the world. It will not resemble the hodgepodge Frankenstein but a beautiful Bride that needed every believer to make it the most beautiful bride ever. You are needed! Period! One day I was talking to the Lord and made a request (remember, all of His sheep hear His voice, and one day we discover that our thoughts of Light and Life actually came from Him). “I want to know all there is to know about Jesus in this life. I want to know all that a man can know.” He spoke, and at first I was not happy with His remarks. “In My house there are many treasure chests; none of them are exclusive to one man. There is a chest with your name on it, which you will open, but you will not open all the others. I am too big for one man, and each man will have his own chest. My treasure is too much for one man to describe, so it will take millions to do that. My bride is not made up of one but of many, and it will take all of those that love me to describe Me.” Well, I was discouraged; I wanted everything for myself. Yet, I could see that He is bigger than what I could describe, and we needed every member of the body of Christ to begin to express Him. There are not great men of God, but only weak men and women with a great God. There is something about Jesus that can only be expressed through you. Beautiful! Press on, for the rest of us desperately need to know what you know of Jesus in heaven.

Reeling it in (Here We Go part 3)

1 cor 2:9

However, as it is written: 
   "No eye has seen, 
      no ear has heard, 
   no mind has conceived 
   what God has prepared for those who love him"

I like one of Mike Well's explanations of being made in God's image.
I'm paraphrasing:
One day God created an angel.
The angel looked in the mirror and saw his beauty and all the remarkable things he could do.
He said to the other angels, "Have you looked at yourself in the mirror? We are glorious."
And that day satan and his angels were cast out of heaven because they thought the glory was theirs and not the Lord's.
God does not share His glory. We are given a reflection of His glory we only possess His glory through the Father.
How much more would we as God's children and made in His image look in the mirror and think we are beautiful and glorious. We would all the more than the angels because we were made in His likeness...

So when I was sitting on the couch that day, I saw those things I've already shared in parts 1 and 2 but there was more.
I saw that spending time on earth experiencing trials and hardships and our own sin results in us loosing our identity and loosing our righteousness and glory we recognize after time on earth that we are not priveledged heirs and co-rulers with Christ given gifts and crowns and royalty and robes because we deserve it but only because of God's goodness and righteousness and glory ~ (not ours, we have none).

In Heaven we are given authority, rulership, strength, righteousness, royal robes and honor...
When our loved ones that have died before us walk through the gates of Heaven and the beauty of God's creatures and creation and dominions and powers see a son of God walk by, as they bow down in understanding the magnitude of the child of God's existence, the child will know, 'glory to God in the highest.' and He seeing Jesus bows before him. Now using my baby brother as an example of what I'm trying to say, Jesus in the presence of all the roaring crowd places a crown on Jakes head. Jake has nothing to give. God has forgiven Jake for all of his sins, given him all of Heaven and eternity and creation itself as Jake's inheritance and all Jake can do is take the crown off lay it at Jesus feet and praise God in awe of God's awesomeness.

All we can give back is what God has already given us. We are nothing without Jesus in us and we know this after time spent on earth.

Just Jake's image and presence alone gives God glory because God made him in His image and His glory and those that look upon Jake praise God and marvel at God's goodness. Seeing Jake, a former sinner, forgiven by God and paid by Christ's sacrifice and blood all the more glory is given to God and those that look upon the children of God cannot help but bow before the Prince's and princesses of God and see the reflection of God's amazing love in these prodigal children.

ANOTHER THING :)  (Hope you are still with me) when the movie avatar came out it was a perfect example in my eyes of what I had recently learned about God's huge creation.

James Cameron came up with an imaginative world full of wonder and beautiful creatures and intelligent life. We watch that movie and think what an amazing place and wish possibly that there were creatures and a place that beautiful out there somewhere.
Well, I couldn't help but see some truth in the movie.
As God told me (as explained in part 2) "what if I didn't mean just the creation you can see" I knew as I was watching that colorful movie that God is bigger than His creation, and He is bigger than our imaginations! He may have given James a glimpse a small glimpse of His creativity that God is bigger and His creation is bigger than we know. It's not just what we see in our universe or know of, He's a whole lot huger than that.
So as an example of God's unseen creation we may be able to look at avatar and think wow, there may be creatures out there and in Heaven ultimately that are blue? and stand taller than us, and are beautiful but are not made in God's image yet STILL bring God glory.
We (pretending avatar is real) look in the face of these magnificent beings and think WOW god you are amazing! Look at what you created! and look at what beauty you have portrayed in them, and they looking at us made in their own creators likeness say WOW god you are amazing! Look at your glory, look at what beauty you have given your children.

I John 3:2 & 3, “Beloved, now we are children of God, and it has not appeared as yet what we will be. We know that when He appears, we will be like Him, because we will see Him just as He is. And everyone who has this hope fixed on Him purifies himself, just as He is pure.”
 It may not be those specific beings but there will be plenty of creatures that we will marvel and say wow this creature brings God glory as we look upon them and bow before God at the awesome creativity and beauty He has placed in them and they will look at us and marvel at God for His beauty in us.


The glory that God is preparing us for now for an eternity with Him, the position and jobs we are being fashioned for now are beyond our comprehension. We will be warriors and rulers and we wouldn't be given all of these powerful gifts if we thought we deserved it. 
As many children of God that are out there in existence, there are trillions more creatures and worlds and dominions and mights that are not made in His image. We are the heirs with Christ. His children.

Here We Go Part 2!

Above is a picture from Hubble space telescope.

It's a picture of an entire galaxy 28 million light years away!!!

(And you know how big a galaxy is) Basically in front of us is a whole other universe. Here is just one of millions of these galaxies that we know of.

I sat blankly watching Jake's favorite t.v. program when the Lord poured a pitcher of knowledge over my head, the awareness of things completely unknown to me before began to unfold into my soul. I jolted off the couch and headed straight for my parents room. I barged in, sat on their bed and exclaimed "You will not BELIEVE what the Lord just told me!" I didn't really know how else to put it.

It was so unexpected, I wasn't praying, I wasn't thinking about anything when the Lord said in my heart...  "what if when I said ~The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed, all of creation has been groaning as in the pains of child birth...what if I didn't mean just the creation that you can see."             (romans 8:19 and 22)

I heard it just like that.

You would think that would be really confusing and it's two separate versus put together and how would I get anything from it out of the blue and with no reference. BUT God did the talking and the Holy Spirit did the explaining in me. I had the knowledge or the discernment of what it meant and all the neat aspects in a second flash! It was the Holy Spirit that explained it to my spirit!

HOBOY! I'll try to explain! (I say it like that because my lack of writing skills can really get in the way of the truth)

(Lord your words not mine. Your son glorified.)

Weeks before Jake was killed the Lord told me "Jake does not know the magnitude of his existence." At the time I took that as a really neat encouragement from the Lord to share with Jake during a time that he needed to know his importance and his place in the world because of Jesus and Jesus glory and Jesus life in him.

Well, God was telling me on that couch that, YES, the earth is in travail and the animals and mammals of the sea and creatures He has created are all moaning and groaning (under the weight of our sin) and waiting for us the sons of God to finally be revealed as God's children, for us to be taken up with Christ given our glorified bodies, sitting with Christ with our enemies under our feet. 

BUT - NOT ONLY is the earth obviously in pain waiting for the curse to be lifted, but ALL of creation or as the bible says "The whole of creation" is waiting.

In other words, all the creating God has been doing from times past, present and future...

How long has God been creating? 

All the creation He has fashioned is eagerly waiting.      FOR US!

First of all, what an honor to be the children and not mere beautiful glorifying massive and strong principalities and powers... but the children..we are the children out of all all the millions of years of creating -  we are it, we are the big deal in Christ.

How long has He been around creating? AND we are His "sons"?!! We are His children?!! Not the massive and impressive angels that give Him glory every moment of their existence, but we were chosen to be His heirs and co rulers and children?  WE don't even know the creatures and principalities and mights He has fashioned. 

The glory that His creation gives is more than just what we see. Think of what is out there in our own universe that we can't even understand or get close to let alone the worlds and universes and creatures that are in existence, that are His creation out there somewhere in His created glory, and yet WE are His children. We as He told us are royalty and all the creation knows it and is in "labor pains" waiting for the curse to be lifted and for us to be robed and crowned and given rewards and honor because of Jesus. 

God gave His son us, as a love gift. We are the main course. Jesus and the Father's love has produced US His children. (of course I know we are the main course and royalty and anything special because of Jesus life in us:)

(this will be explained further in part 3 but think of the "magnitude" now.)

God wasn't sitting around doing nothing before our earth and universe were created... He created other "things?" to give Him glory but we are His only children..

As it is written in Ephesians 1:18-23 

"I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms,far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way."

I would say read that again and again surrendering to God's out of the box hugeness to open your heart to the fullness of the meaning in those versus!  AAAAAMAZING! GOD IS AWESOME!

When picturing our loved ones in Heaven we can imagine the millions of years of creation and creatures and "powers etc.. bowing down as our loved one walks by, the crowds of God's many creatures some so big you cannot see their face some with 4 heads as the angels in revelation, some we cannot imagine all bowing down before the heir, the co-ruler with Christ that walks by, and our loved one doesn't say, yes I deserve it, NO, they point to Jesus and say "it is not me it's JESUS, you have no idea what a sinner I am"...life on earth has given us the deeper understanding of God's goodness for all of eternity. My Jake is all the more eager to praise Jesus and not take the glory because he recognizes that he is not a child and heir because he deserves it, but rather because of God's goodness, Jesus love for him and Jesus blood shed for him.... Can you picture the mass, the crowd the trillions of cheering fans for the saints? ALL THIS in part 3 too long to go into now but just a glimpse here.

I have a few more spots of the revelation that need to be written in a part 3.

Praise God! I pray some of that made sense. Give me one more part to get it all out.

Here We Go!

magnitude: great importance or consequence


The Lord spoke a truth into my heart a few months ago that encouraged me more than anything else I've ever understood in my life. My desire has been to share it with you but the thought of typing it all out in a legible way seems almost impossible for me. I've kept myself from even attempting it yet here I am starting the process already. I'll break it up into a couple parts. 


Part 1


Last year I prayed and fasted earnestly for two things.
1. My three brothers
2. for the revelation of Christ and His truth in me, and through me.


About two weeks before Jake was shot I was praying for him while Dave was at school. My heart was heavy, I was on my knees, face to the floor when I heard the Lord say "Jake does not know the magnitude of his existence."
I sat up excited about what I just heard and immediately wrote it down in my journal.
I thought "wow that is so neat!" I couldn't wait to tell Jake the next day. He needed the encouragement.
I left a message for him on the answering machine at home and I texted him saying we needed to talk as soon as he could get away. My parents had a ton of family in town and Jake was consumed with cousins so we played phone tag a few times but I wasn't too worried since I would get to tell him as soon as our family left. The very night our family left for their long drive back home Jake went out with some friends, it was January 1st, 2010 and he was shot and killed that very night.
I was never able to tell him.
A few days after the funeral I asked the Lord why He would tell me something so special for Jake knowing I would never be able to tell him.
He said "Jake now knows. The truth was given for you."
So..Jake is right in the middle of it, learning the truths of God and seeing the very magnitude of his own existence in the glory of God, and God told me so that we could hold on to that truth after Jake's death? God knew this would be a comfort to me. 
Well that was enough for me.
Weeks later I was still with my parent's in FL. I was sitting on their sofa watching t.v. My mind completely blank, I wasn't praying or thinking. I was just numb and watching one of Jake's favorite programs, C.O.P.S. 
As I watched police chasing the bad guys on t.v. the only way I can describe what happened is that God took a full pitcher overflowing with "a knowledge" and poured it over my head. I saw flashes of a beautiful truth unfold in my mind.


God began to open my eyes to an even deeper meaning to His statement to me about Jake weeks before.
The beautiful revelation that God gave me about Jake weeks before suddenly became an immeasurably deeper description of Heaven and God's love for us.


I will continue in part 2 as this next part of the revelation takes a lot of energy and time to type out.

Practicing the Presence of Christ

THis was so good I had to pass it along:

 Exactly how do we "turn on" our receivers and "tune in" to God? The answer is what the ancients, and specifically Brother Lawrence, referred to as "practicing the presence of Christ." That is, developing a conscious and habitual communion with the person of Christ in such a way that we slowly drop the habit of merely talking to him and slowly embrace the habit of being with him. Over time our relationship with him begins to take on the dynamic language of intimacy: we share a meal at a table for just two, we exchange glances and secret expressions of love, we return each embrace with one of our own, we dance the night away in each others' arms, we take turns playing the roles of pursuer and pursued, for we both love to find the other and to be found by the other.

 
I'm convinced that it is possible to practice the presence of God in all facets of life, even in the most routine and mundane moments. Once our spiritual sense organs begin to function in a robust manner, everything we encounter becomes spiritual. No longer is there a sacred-secular dichotomy. Christ is present with us when we pull an all-nighter preparing for an important presentation, or when we clean our kitchen floors for the third time that day, or when we cool down from our physical workout, or when we throw our graduation caps in the air, or when we cut our wedding cake, or when we cut the umbilical chord in the delivery room, or when we pace the floor through a sleepless night, or when we grimace at the number of gray hairs going down the shower drain, or when we exhale our final breath. The merely secular becomes the profoundly spiritual when the focus of our heart becomes essentially eternal. Tozer sums it up nicely, "A spiritual kingdom lies all about us, enclosing us, embracing us, altogether within reach of our inner selves, waiting for us to recognize it. God Himself is here waiting for our response to His presence."  

He gets practical about practicing the presence of Christ when he says that, "This eternal world will come alive to us the moment we begin to reckon upon its reality." But first he wants us to understand what he means by reckon and reality. He begins with the word reality. Reality as Tozer defines it is "that which has existence apart from any idea any mind may have of it, and which would exist if there were no mind anywhere to entertain a thought of it. That which is real has being in itself. It does not depend upon the observer for its validity."  

It is obvious that in this day and age, that definition has become the minority view. We can observe the denial of objective reality in the Pantheistic foundations of Buddhism, or in the philosophical underpinnings of the Enlightenment, or in the various New Age pseudo-religions, as well as in the current postmodern trends. It no longer elicits a raised eyebrow when someone declares that something is real only as it exists in the mind of someone. Having removed all the absolute points in the universe, the relativists are free to arbitrarily pick any point from which to start, and from which the relative truth of anything can be determined. 

 

And what do these relativists think of us Christians? Tozer describes them as those who, ". . . smile down upon us from their lofty intellectual peaks and settle us to their own satisfaction by fastening upon us the reproachful term ‘absolutist.'" By that term they mean to convey contempt toward our naïve commitment to something that doesn't change. They loathe our prehistoric view that truth claims must be either right or wrong. But the ultimate insult for them is not just that we believe that something is absolute, but that we believe that Someone is absolute - that God is the unchanging center of all that is real and from which everything and everyone derives meaning and reality.  

Ultimately for the Christian, all things that we see are anchored in the unchanging character and nature of God. He is not relative to us (i.e., open to being defined any way we choose), and he is not a relativist (i.e., arbitrarily defining his universe anyway he chooses). That which God is, he is absolutely. He is absolutely good. He is absolutely beautiful. He is absolutely holy. And therefore, what God created is absolutely defined by him. That is, because he is absolutely good, that which he creates derives its goodness from him. And because he is absolutely beautiful, that which he creates derives its beauty from him. And because he is absolutely holy, that which he creates must derive its standard of right and wrong behavior from him. 

 

In fact, the absolute nature of reality is so deeply built into the universe that no one can consistently live without acknowledging it. To hold a view which says, "What is true for you is not true for me" may sound appealing in the abstract, but when your banker tells you that your checking account is overdrawn by thirty thousand dollars, try convincing her that, "That's true for you but not for me." The patent absurdity of the view becomes obvious to all. The God of the universe does not change and therefore has ordered reality in such a way that no one can escape its gravitational pull. Therefore, in God's world we find that every heart seeking to worship him does not begin by creating the object of its worship. Rather God begins by creating us as objects of his affection and then seeks us out and bids us come and worship him. He is the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End, the present past and present future of this moment. And only when we submit to that reality do we discover the truth concerning ourselves, our world, and him.

 

After nailing down the meaning of reality, Tozer proceeds to define the word reckon. The word comes from the field of accounting and means to "regard something as true." Having laid a foundation that sees reality as absolute, you are ready to begin ordering your behavior around that reality. In Romans 6, the Apostle Paul uses the word reckon in telling every Christian to, " . . . reckon yourself to be dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus." That is, you begin to order your mind around the fact that you are no longer held captive by sin, but are now free to pursue God and his righteousness. The act of reckoning is totally independent of how you feel, or what your immediate or past circumstances tell you, or what you hope will become true for you if you just act. Thus we see that its meaning is light-years away from the notion of pretending as if something were true so that you can make it true for you. Rather, it is intentionally embracing a truth that you know to be actually true. Reckoning is related to faith in that faith creates nothing; it simply reckons upon that which is already there.  

THE SIMPLICITY OF QUIET SERVICE

Anger in Love

I've been thinking about something. In John 2:13-21 Jesus gets angry that they turn his father's house into a market. I think He's angry because He sees something they could not see.
The truth.
The clear truth that day was that those men were being deceived and corrupted through the sin some may not have even been aware of.  Those money changers and those selling doves were not only destroying themselves through their sin but they were bringing others to corruption with them.
The temple is for worship, trusting, surrendering, praising...
Jesus was angry not at them but for them. their sin was destroying them. He was angry in love.
The temple of God which now is us, our body, is for the same thing. Worship, trust, surrender, praising....

There is someone in my life that is very toxic and destructive to my loved ones. I can clearly see how this person hurts themselves and the people that I love so much. Even though my loved ones cannot see the destruction that is upon them because of this one individual. It makes me angry and not at them but for them.
My first reaction is protection for my loved ones and there have been times that I have tried to clean out the temple. I've tried to kick her out of our sacred temple. Our holy worship and daily surrender to the Lord has been interrupted for foolish sinful behavior because of this persons existence in our "home". In our "temple". I wish I could be more specific.
I've thrown the tables and confronted this person in truth with a furious sadness and rage of the sin she has brought into our home and the destruction she has brought onto my loved ones (whom have allowed her in).

My anger though is not coming from a place of wanting justice or revenge. The anger I can tell you has genuinely been anger for her and for my family. Anger for the loved ones that have allowed this sin to hurt them. Anger in love. Love that says "I SEE SOMETHING HERE" You are destroying yourself and my precious loved ones in the process.  I want to yell as Jesus did. "GET OUT OF HERE"
The kicker is that my loved ones do not see the truth. They are allowing her into their lives they are sugar coating the truth of the severity and they are thinking that they are loving her but they are supporting destruction, deceit, corruption and a foothold for satan in their "home".
I've been on the chair shouting out "GET THIS SIN OUT OF OUR HOME"

Our body is a place of worship and oneness with Christ... when I see it being destroyed by the sin of this toxic person I get angry for her and angry for my loved ones.
I see the truth but my words are going unheard. I'm sick of satan lurking in the corners of my loved one's lives through this person and what she brings to our home.
I want to clean house and kick her out for her own good and the good of those I love. Jesus kicked out the money changers and the others for their own good the good of the temple and the love of His father and those that were being hurt by the sin.

Experiencing the God of All Comfort

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."

Once again I cried myself to sleep a few nights ago during this time of grieving with my parents and brothers and family. I was crying out to the Lord for relief and peace and for Him to come and finally take us home. I had an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness and anger when I fell asleep.

I woke up later in the night my whole body was tingling with love and peace.

The room was filled with a heavy thickness of love and all my senses were heightened.

I could smell and taste this amazing sweet aroma. It smelled like orange blossoms and tasted in my mouth something like honey.

I was so encouraged and uplifted in that moment. I was full of love and joy. I knew that our Jakers was emersed in this feeling too as he is standing before our Lord continually in Heaven.

It was such a beautiful and wonderful experience.

I closed my eyes, my body tingling with the physical weight of God's love revealed to me in that moment and I knew God was ministering to me, to my broken heart in the spirit. I'm thankful He allowed me to actually feel it and know it without having to use blind faith to get through that sad night.

What is striking to me about this experience is that without the sadness of trials on earth we would never experience God in those ways that He reaches out and comforts us. I know that He doesn't always show us Himself and His tenderness physically. Mostly we have to simply believe He is with us and helping us through and in that faith we see the truth. We will see some amazing truth that we are ready to know because of the hardship we were going through, we will see that God was with us the whole way through. That is where I wonder if the most reward comes to us. When we have to have faith without the sight and the physical "feeling" of His nearness.

It's been a few day's since that wonderful time with the Lord and I've noticed a major difference in my day. God replaced my hopelessness and my faithlessness with His hope and His faith. He replaced my desperate longing for His return with His patience and His longsuffering. At least for now the day's are not so miserable. My hope is in the Lord and in Him I can sing praises that He knows what He is doing.

I keep thinking about Jake at 7 years old. So excited about life and adventure and danger.

But even this unbelievably brave Jake that wasn't afraid of anything even at the age of 3, had a really cute fear.

He used to crawl into bed with me (I was in highschool) and I would tell him that at night my old dolls came to life. I wasn't trying to scare him I thought it would be a neat thought that they lived at night but it freaked him out so bad he never got over the idea that dolls might come to life and haunt us all in our sleep.

I think he was afraid of dolls up to his 17 years.

I think about that and I want to call him really quick to laugh with him about it. So as it really hurts to realize I can't call I pray, "Lord, hug Jakers for me and tell him I cannot wait to spend every second I can with him as soon as I'm there, tell him I love him and miss him too much to live without him much longer"

I'm thankful to experience God in a way I would not intimately know Him without the pain this world brings us. But I am looking forward to eternal life with Jesus and my family and friends without all the drama.

Brutally Honest

Experiencing the shock of loosing someone so young and so dear and close to me was more desirable than the reality that hits weeks or months later.

Honestly I haven't been able to write on here in a while because I'm working through the most pain I've ever felt in my life.

We got back last night from a court hearing where Jake's killer James Menard was present in the court room along with several of his family members. To make a long story short being in the room with menard and his family brought on a whole new wave of more extrene anger and hurt and torture of grief.

It wasn't the official trial yet. It was a hearing where he asked for a bail reduction. Praise God the judge did not grant him the reduction. Which is a ridiculous thing to even ask after shooting 3 boys and killing one. My baby brother Jakey.

Are these extreme pains in life actually labor pains?

"For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope 21that the creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God. 22For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now. 23And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body. 24For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? 25But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it. "

Romans 8:20-25

As I lay in my parents bedroom the night of the trial I cried out to the Lord.

When oh Lord will you return to rescue us from this horrible sinful world? When are you coming to get us?!

I received a vivid memory and a question for my answer in that moment.

The memory was of when I was giving birth to Oscar and he was "crowning" which is when the babies head is just starting to appear in labor the baby is on his way out.

I could see the top of his head in the mirror and it seemed like time stood still.

God asked me after this memory, "did you savor that moment?"

I thought to myself, yes absolutely I savored that moment. It was a special moment.

Oscar was entering into the world for the first time never to be in my womb again.

The Lord said to me. "You are crowning and I'm savoring the moment."

I know this may sound gross or weird to you but it was the sweetest most precious gift God could give me in my time of mourning Jake.

He was saying. I'm coming to take my children. I will be there soon. Our life in the world is our gestation period before our life in eternity with God.

It takes a baby 9 months to prepare it for life on earth. The baby is being developed to withstand a life on earth. Hearing and fingernails and eyelashes....The baby is being prepared and formed for a lifetime of maybe 70 years on earth give or take according to the number of days God has given that child.

We can call the world our womb preparing and developing us for heaven, for eternity with God.

We are being formed and prepared for an eternity everlasting with God and our gestation period is 80 years give or take depending on God's will.

So as God was telling me we are crowning now, I got really excited! I'm feeling the labor pains of the womb that is this world. It's painful but we are crowning and on our way to being born into eternity!

Anyway, I'm taking this as Christ return being very soon. 

We are all feeling the contractions and pains of labor in this life.

Come quickly Lord Jesus. We are ready.